If a trip was capable of having mental disorders, this one (to Biak) would be diagnosed manic-depressive the second it walked into the office. No inkblots, no portrait exercises of the soul, no long multiple-choice tests filled with bubbles. I can run it down in two columns: the happy, exciting column and the terrible column, and, chronologically, they stay equal and extreme. Behold:

☺: Upon arrival in Biak, which is dumping rain like mad, we run into a nice man that happens to also be our neighbor in Jayapura. He offers to give us a ride into town.

☹: Nick somehow manages to use one of those American expressions to accept his offer that means yes but sounds exactly like no. The man climbs into his car and drives away alone.

☺: The taxi fare turns out to be Rp. 1500.

☹: But we have no idea where we are going or whether there are any hotels.

☺: We run into a coworker’s sister while we are wandering aimlessly around town (having arrived there mostly by luck). She takes charge of us and leads us on a tour of every possible hotel in town.

☹: The hotel we like won’t let us rent a double room because we aren’t married.

☺: The sister tries to bribe them. This is funny even though it doesn’t work. We find a better hotel, lie about our marital status, and are subsequently given a double room.

☹: Now I have to think of Nick as my husband. Creepy.

☺: We take a walk down to the beach and find a beautiful grove of palms. We decide to explore.

☹: The palm grove turns out to be a graveyard. The villagers are visibly upset that we almost trod on their dead. One of them walks over, looking menacing, and…

☺: …after some friendly conversation, offers to drive us to a good beach in East Biak the next day.

☹: He flakes.

☺: But as a direct result of his flaking, we meet another man, who, upon discovery that we aren’t rich tourists, offers to take us along for free on a snorkeling outing to the outlying coral islands he’s going on anyway with a couple of Russian tourists the next day.

☹: It rains, so no snorkeling trip.

☺: We find a nearby restaurant that serves shrimp and squid, Chinese-style. It is indescribably delicious.

☹: It gives me mild food poisoning immediately, waits a day, then gives Nick severe food poisoning.

☺: We run into Snorkeling Trip Guy, who’s actually really nice, at the fish market. He lends us a snorkeling mask and puts us on a public taxi to East Biak, where we find a gorgeous beach positively encrusted with nearly untouched seashells and a nearby cliff to dive from.

☹: Then there’s a gigantic thunderstorm.

☺: New Years Eve fireworks!

☹: New Years Eve fireworks shot haphazardly by drunk people out of backyards, off roofs, down streets, at people, etc! Bottle rockets sweeping policemen’s feet out from under them! Truckloads of people with firecrackers all clamoring to throw them out the window at the same time!

☺: The next day is sunny and we are able to go on the original snorkeling trip.

☹: But unfortunately it’s New Years Day, and everything is closed – supermarkets, tokos, warungs, everything. This means we have no breakfast and can’t pack a lunch for the trip. We are so hungry all day we almost die.

☺: In my delirium, I don’t remember that I always get seasick. So I don’t get seasick. I am able to pay attention to the swarms of flying fish that skim the air around our boat.

☹: The Russians are Supertourists. They don’t like the snorkeling area. They have a sneaking suspicion that the boat driver isn’t a certified Snorkeling Operator or something. The woman walks around in her bra and underwear, unaware that she’s being entirely culturally inappropriate. There is a lot of yelling and complaining. The sun hurts them. They know better than the boat driver which way is the correct way to go. Etc.

☺: We catch our plane home without any dramatic fuss.

It starts and ends with smiles, right? So I guess it was a success.